The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change 䫔 Free Format Kindle Download ഴ The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change ꘥ ePUB Author Stephen R Covey 볬 Review According to Steven R Covey, to live with security and wisdom, and to have the power to take advantages of the opportunities that change creates, we need fairness, integrity, honesty and human dignity Quite a tall order when you consider that most of us live our lives in a permanent state of flux, questioning our ideals and values and fighting a daily battle with the lack of self confidence that stops us from taking risks of any kind But, in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey manages to make it sound as if changing the way we look at ourselves and the world around us so that we can become successful both personally and professionally an absolute doddle He defines the habits as the intersection of knowledge, skill and desire and states that the Seven Habits of the title are not mutually exclusive, but rather when developed together help to form a well rounded, sensitive, confident and effective human being As with many self help books, much of what you read here is based on basic common sense and can at times be irritatingly obvious However, what Covey manages to do so successfully is to break down the barriers which prevent all of us from taking a long hard look at ourselves, and then gradually introduces new rules which allow us to move first from dependence to independence and then towards the ultimate goal of interdependence But of course, the only real way to test the value of The Habits be proactive, begin with the end in mind, put first things first, think win win, seek first to understand and then to be understood, synergise, sharpen the saw is to work on them This book is as good as any place to start on the road to self awareness and self improvement in the workplace and in the home without becoming too irritatingly smug and self satisfied Susan HarrisonChapter 1Inside OutThere is no real excellence in all this worldwhich can be separated from right living.David Starr JordanIn than 25 years of working with people in business, university, and marriage and family settings, I have come in contact with many individuals who have achieved an incredible degree of outward success, but have found themselves struggling with an inner hunger, a deep need for personal congruency and effectiveness and for healthy, growing relationships with other people.I suspect some of the problems they have shared with me may be familiar to you.I ve set and met my career goals and I m having tremendous professional success But it s cost me my personal and family life I don t know my wife and children any I m not even sure I know myself and what s really important to me I ve had to ask myself is it worth it I ve started a new diet for the fifth time this year I know I m overweight, and I really want to change I read all the new information, I set goals, I get myself all psyched up with a positive mental attitude and tell myself I can do it But I don t After a few weeks, I fizzle I just can t seem to keep a promise I make to myself.I ve taken course after course on effective management training I expect a lot out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right But I don t feel any loyalty from them I think if I were home sick for a day, they d spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain Why can t I train them to be independent and responsible or find employees who can be My teenage son is rebellious and on drugs No matter what I try, he won t listen to me What can I do There s so much to do And there s never enough time I feel pressured and hassled all day, every day, seven days a week I ve attended time management seminars and I ve tried half a dozen different planning systems They ve helped some, but I still don t feel I m living the happy, productive, peaceful life I want to live.I want to teach my children the value of work But to get them to do anything, I have to supervise every moveand put up with complaining every step of the way It s so much easier to do it myself Why can t children do their work cheerfully and without being reminded I m busy really busy But sometimes I wonder if what I m doing will make any difference in the long run I d really like to think there was meaning in my life, that somehow things were different because I was here.I see my friends or relatives achieve some degree of success or receive some recognition, and I smile and congratulate them enthusiastically But inside, I m eating my heart out Why do I feel this way I have a forceful personality I know, in almost any interaction, I can control the outcome Most of the time, I can even do it by influencing others to come up with the solution I want I think through each situation and I really feel the ideas I come up with are usually the best for everyone But I feel uneasy I always wonder what other people really think of me and my ideas.My marriage has gone fiat We don t fight or anything we just don t love each other any We ve gone to counseling we ve tried a number of things, but we just can t seem to rekindle the feeling we used to have.These are deep problems, painful problems problems that quick fix approaches can t solve.A few years ago, my wife Sandra and I were struggling with this kind of concern One of our sons was having a very difficult time in school He was doing poorly academically he didn t even know how to follow the instructions on the tests, let alone do well on them Socially he was immature, often embarrassing those closest to him Athletically, he was small, skinny, and uncoordinated swinging his baseball bat, for example, almost before the ball was even pitched Others would laugh at him.Sandra and I were consumed with a desire to help him We felt that if success were important in any area of life, it was supremely important in our role as parents So we worked on our attitudes and behavior toward him and we tried to work on his We attempted to psych him up using positive mental attitude techniques Come on, son You can do it We know you can Put your hands a little higher on the bat and keep your eye on the ball Don t swing till it gets close to you And if he did a little better, we would go to great lengths to reinforce him That s good, son, keep it up.When others laughed, we reprimanded them Leave him alone Get off his back He s just learning And our son would cry and insist that he d never be any good and that he didn t like baseball anyway.Nothing we did seemed to help, and we were really worried We could see the effect this was having on his self esteem We tried to be encouraging and helpful and positive, but after repeated failure, we finally drew back and tried to look at the situation on a different level.At this time in my professional role I was involved in leadership development work with various clients throughout the country In that capacity I was preparing bimonthly programs on the subject of communication and perception for IBM s Executive Development Program participants.As I researched and prepared these presentations, I became particularly interested in how perceptions are formed, how they govern the way we see, and how the way we see governs how we behave This led me to a study of expectancy theory and self fulfilling prophecies or the Pygmalion effect, and to a realization of how deeply imbedded our perceptions are It taught me that we must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as at the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world.As Sandra and I talked about the concepts I was teaching at IBM and about our own situation, we began to realize that what we were doing to help our son was not in harmony with the way we really saw him When we honestly examined our deepest feelings, we realized that our perception was that he was basically inadequate, somehow behind No matter how much we worked on our attitude and behavior, our efforts were ineffective because, despite our actions and our words, what we really communicated to him was, You aren t capable You have to be protected.We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change ourselves And to change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.The Personality and Character EthicsAt the same time, in addition to my research on perception, I was also deeply immersed in an in depth study of the success literature published in the United States since 1776 I was reading or scanning literally hundreds of books, articles, and essays in fields such as self improvement, popular psychology, and self help At my fingertips was the sum and substance of what a free and democratic people considered to be the keys to successful living.As my study took me back through 200 years of writing about success, I noticed a startling pattern emerging in the content of the literature Because of our own pain, and because of similar pain I had seen in the lives and relationships of many people I had worked with through the years, I began to feel and that much of the success literature of the past 50 years was superficial It was filled with social image consciousness, techniques and quick fixes with social band aids and aspirin that addressed acute problems and sometimes even appeared to solve them temporarily, but left the underlying chronic problems untouched to fester and resurface time and again.In stark contrast, almost all the literature in the first 150 years or so focused on what could be called the Character Ethic as the foundation of success things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule Benjamin Franklin s autobiography is representative of that literature It is, basically, the story of one man s effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature.The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.But shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the Character Ethic to what we might call the Personality Ethic Success became a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction This Personality Ethic essentially took two paths one was human and public relations techniques, and the other was positive mental attitude PMA Some of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes valid maxims such as Your attitude determines your altitude, Smiling wins friends than frowning, and Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted, or to use the power look, or to intimidate their way through life.Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success, but tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic Reference to the Character Ethic became mostly lip service the basic thrust was quick fix influence techniques, power strategies, communication skills, and positive attitudes.This Personality Ethic, I began to realize, was the subconscious source of the solutions Sandra and I were attempting to use with our son As I thought deeply about the difference between the Personality and Character Ethics, I realized that Sandra and I had been getting social mileage out of our children s good behavior, and, in our eyes, this son simply didn t measure up Our image of ourselves, and our role as good, caring parents was even deeper than our image of our son and perhaps influenced it There was a lot wrapped up in the way we were seeing and handling the problem than our concern for our son s welfare.As Sandra and I talked, we became painfully aware of the powerful influence of our own character and motives and of our perception of him We knew that social comparison motives were out of harmony with our deeper values and could lead to conditional love and eventually to our son s lessened sense of self worth So we determined to focus our efforts on us not on our techniques, but on our deepest motives and our perception of him Instead of trying to change him, we tried to stand apart to separate us from him and to sense his identity, individuality, separateness, and worth.Through deep thought and the exercise of faith and prayer, we began to see our son in terms of his own uniqueness We saw within him layers and layers of potential that would be realized at his own pace and speed We decided to relax and get out of his way and let his own personality emerge We saw our natural role as being to affirm, enjoy, and value him We also conscientiously worked on our motives and cultivated internal sources of security so that our own feelings of worth were not dependent on our children s acceptable behavior.As we loosened up our old perception of our son and developed value based motives, new feelings began to emerge We found ourselves enjoying him instead of comparing or judging him We stopped trying to clone him in our own image or measure him against social expectations We stopped trying to kindly, positively manipulate him into an acceptable social mold Because we saw him as fundamentally adequate and able to cope with life, we stopped protecting him against the ridicule of others.He had been nurtured on this protection, so he went through some withdrawal pains, which he expressed and which we accepted, but did not necessarily respond to We don t need to protect you, was the unspoken message You re fundamentally okay.As the weeks and months passed, he began to feel a quiet confidence and affirmed himself He began to blossom, at his own pace and speed He became outstanding as measured by standard social criteria academically, socially and athletically at a rapid clip, far beyond the so called natural developmental process As the years passed, he was elected to several student body leadership positions, developed into an all state athlete and started bringing home straight A report cards He developed an engaging and guileless personality that has enabled him to relate in nonthreatening ways to all kinds of people.Sandra and I believe that our son s socially impressive accomplishments were a serendipitous expression of the feelings he had about himself than merely a response to social reward This was an amazing experience for Sandra and me, and a very instructional one in dealing with our other children and in other roles as well It brought to our awareness on a very personal level the vital difference between the Personality Ethic and the Character Ethic of success The Psalmist expressed our conviction well Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life.Primary and Secondary GreatnessMy experience with my son, my study of perception and my reading of the success literature coalesced to create one of those Aha experiences in life when suddenly things click into place I was suddenly able to see the powerful impact of the Personality Ethic and to clearly understand those subtle, often consciously unidentified discrepancies between what I knew to be true some things I had been taught many years ago as a child and things that were deep in my own inner sense of value and the quick fix philosophies that surrounded me every day I understood at a deeper level why, as I had worked through the years with people from all walks of life, I had found that the things I was teaching and knew to be effective were often at variance with these popular voices.I am not suggesting that elements of the Personality Ethic personality growth, communication skill training, and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking are not beneficial, in fact sometimes essential for success I believe they are But these are secondary, not primary traits Perhaps, in utilizing our human capacity to build on the foundation of generations before us, we have inadvertently become so focused on our own building that we have forgotten the foundation that holds it up or in reaping for so long where we have not sown, perhaps we have forgotten the need to sow.If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be motivated, to like me and each other while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity then, in the long run, I cannot be successful My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do even using so called good human relations techniques will be perceived as manipulative It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success Only basic goodness gives life to technique.To focus on technique is like cramming your way through school You sometimes get by, perhaps even get good grades, but if you don t pay the price day in and day out, you never achieve true mastery of the subjects you study or develop an educated mind.Did you ever consider how ridiculous it would be to try to cram on a farm to forget to plant in the spring, play all summer and then cram in the fall to bring in the harvest The farm is a natural system The price must be paid and the process followed You always reap what you sow there is no shortcut.This principle is also true, ultimately, in human behavior, in human relationships They, too, are natural systems based on the law of the harvest In the short run, in an artificial social system such as school, you may be able to get by if you learn how to manipulate the man made rules, to play the game In most one shot or short lived human interactions, you can use the Personality Ethic to get by and to make favorable impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other people s hobbies You can pick up quick, easy techniques that may work in short term situations But secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in long term relationships Eventually, if there isn t deep integrity and fundamental character strength, the challenges of life will cause true motives to surface and human relationship failure will replace short term success.Many people with secondary greatness that is, social recognition for their talents lack primary greatness or goodness in their character Sooner or later, you ll see this in every long term relationship they have, whether it is with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child going through an identity crisis It is character that communicates most eloquently As Emerson once put it, What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.There are, of course, situations where people have character strength but they lack communication skills, and that undoubtedly affects the quality of relationships as well But the effects are still secondary.In the last analysis, what we are communicates far eloquently than anything we say or do We all know it There are people we trust absolutely because we know their character Whether they re eloquent or not, whether they have the human relations techniques or not, we trust them, and we work successfully with them.In the words of William George Jordan, Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil the silent, unconscious, unseen influence of his life This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be.The Power of a ParadigmThe Seven Habits of Highly Effective People embody many of the fundamental principles of human effectiveness These habits are basic they are primary They represent the internalization of correct principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based.But before we can really understand these Seven Habits, we need to understand our own paradigms and how to make a paradigm shift.Both the Character Ethic and the Personality Ethic are examples of social paradigms The word paradigm comes from the Greek It was originally a scientific term, and is commonly used today to mean a model, theory, perception, assumption, or flame of reference In the general sense, it s the way we see the world not in terms of our visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, interpreting.For our purposes, a simple way to understand paradigms is to see them as maps We all know that the map is not the territory A map is simply an explanation of certain aspects of the territory That s exactly what a paradigm is It is a theory, an explanation, or model of something else.Suppose you wanted to arrive at a specific location in central Chicago A street map of the city would be a great help to you in reaching your destination But suppose you were given the wrong map Through a printing error, the map labeled Chicago was actually a map of Detroit Can you imagine the frustration, the ineffectiveness of trying to reach your destination You might work on your behavior you could try harder, be diligent, double your speed But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the wrong place faster.You might work on your attitude you could think positively You still wouldn t get to the right place, but perhaps you wouldn t care Your attitude would be so positive, you d be happy wherever you were.The point is, you d still be lost The fundamental problem has nothing to do with your behavior or your attitude It has everything to do with having a wrong map.If you have the right map of Chicago, then diligence becomes important, and when you encounter frustrating obstacles along the way, then attitude can make a real difference But the first and most important requirement is the accuracy of the map.Each of us has many, many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or values We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps We seldom question their accuracy we re usually even unaware that we have them We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be.And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions The way we see things is the source of the way we think and the way we act.Before going any further, I invite you to have an intellectual and emotional experience Take a few seconds and just look at the picture on the following page.Now look at the picture on page 26 and carefully describe what you see.Do you see a woman How old would you say she is What does she look like What is she wearing In what kind of roles do you see her You probably would describe the woman in the second picture to be about 25 years old very lovely, rather fashionable with a petite nose and a demure presence If you were a single man you might like to take her out If you were in retailing, you might hire her as a fashion model.But what if I were to tell you that you re wrong What if I said this picture is of a woman in her 60 s or 70 s who looks sad, has a huge nose, and is certainly no model She s someone you probably would help across the street.Who s right Look at the picture again Can you see the old woman If you can t, keep trying Can you see her big hook nose Her shawl If you and I were talking face to face, we could discuss the picture You could describe what you see to me, and I could talk to you about what I see We could continue to communicate until you clearly showed me what you see in the picture and I clearly showed you what I see.Because we can t do that, turn to page 45 and study the picture there and then look at this picture again Can you see the old woman now It s important that you see her before you continue reading.I first encountered this exercise many years ago at the Harvard Business School The instructor was using it to demonstrate clearly and eloquently that two people can see the same thing, disagree, and yet both be right It s not logical its psychological.He brought into the room a stack of large cards, half of which had the image of the young woman you saw on page 25, and the other half of which had the image of the old woman on page 45.He passed them out to the class, the picture of the young woman to one side of the room and the picture of the old woman to the other He asked us to look at the cards, concentrate on them for about ten seconds and then pass them back in He then projected upon the screen the picture you saw on page 26 combining both images and asked the class to describe what they saw Almost every person in that class who had first seen the young woman s image on a card saw the young woman in the picture And almost every person who had first seen the old woman s image on a card saw an old woman in the picture.The professor then asked one student to explain what he saw to a student on the opposite side of the room As they talked back and forth, communication problems flared up.What do you mean, old lady She couldn t be than 20 or 22 years old Oh, come on You have to be joking She s 70 could be pushing 80 What s the matter with you Are you blind This lady is young, good looking I d like to take her out She s lovely.Lovely She s an old hag.The arguments went back and forth, each person sure of, and adamant in, his or her position All of this occurred in spite of one exceedingly important advantage the students had most of them knew early in the demonstration that another point of view did, in fact, exist something many of us would never admit Nevertheless, at first, only a few students really tried to see this picture from another frame of reference.After a period of futile communication, one student went up to the screen and pointed to a line on the drawing There is the young woman s necklace The other one said, No, that is the old woman s mouth Gradually, they began to calmly discuss specific points of difference, and finally one student, and then another, experienced sudden recognition when the images of both came into focus Through continued calm, respectful, and specific communication, each of us in the room was finally able to see the other point of view But when we looked away and then back, most of us would immediately see the image we had been conditioned to see in the ten second period of time.I frequently use this perception demonstration in working with people and organizations because it yields so many deep insights into both personal and interpersonal effectiveness It shows, first of all, how powerfully conditioning affects our perceptions, our paradigms If ten seconds can have that kind of impact on the way we see things, what about the conditioning of a lifetime The influences in our lives family, school, church, work environment, friends, associates, and current social paradigms such as the Personality Ethic all have made their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame of reference, our paradigms, our maps.It also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and behaviors We cannot act with integrity outside of them We simply cannot maintain wholeness if we talk and walk differently than we see If you were among the 90 percent who typically see the young woman in the composite picture when conditioned to do so, you undoubtedly found it difficult to think in terms of having to help her cross the street Both your attitude about her and your behavior toward her had to be congruent with the way you saw her.This brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the Personality Ethic To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow.This perception demonstration also shows how powerfully our paradigms affect the way we interact with other people As clearly and objectively as we think we see things, we begin to realize that others see them differently from their own apparently equally clear and objective point of view Where we stand depends on where we sit.Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective But this is not the case We see the world, not as it is, but as we are or, as we are conditioned to see it When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms When other people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with them But, as the demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the unique lens of experience.This does not mean that there are no facts In the demonstration, two individuals who initially have been influenced by different conditioning pictures look at the third picture together They are now both looking at the same identical facts black lines and white spaces and they would both acknowledge these as facts But each person s interpretation of these facts represents prior experiences, and the facts have no meaning whatsoever apart from the interpretation.The aware we are of our basic paradigms, maps, or assumptions, and the extent to which we have been influenced by our experience, the we can take responsibility for those paradigms, examine them, test them against reality, listen to others and be open to their perceptions, thereby getting a larger picture and a far objective view.The Power of a Paradigm ShiftPerhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception demonstration is in the area of paradigm shifting, what we might call the Aha experience when someone finally sees the composite picture in another way The bound a person is by the initial perception, the powerful the Aha experience is It s as though a light were suddenly turned on inside.The term paradigm shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly influential landmark book, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions Kuhn shows how almost every significant breakthrough in the field of scientific endeavor is first a break with tradition, with old ways of thinking, with old paradigms.For Ptolemy, the great Egyptian astronomer, the earth was the center of the universe But Copernicus created a paradigm shift, and a great deal of resistance and persecution as well, by placing the sun at the center Suddenly, everything took on a different interpretation.The Newtonian model of physics was a clockwork paradigm and is still the basis of modern engineering But it was partial, incomplete The scientific world was revolutionized by the Einsteinian paradigm, the relativity paradigm, which had much higher predictive and explanatory value.Until the germ theory was developed, a high percentage of women and children died during childbirth, and no one could understand why In military skirmishes, men were dying from small wounds and diseases than from the major traumas on the front lines But as soon as the germ theory was developed, a whole new paradigm, a better, improved way of understanding what was happening made dramatic, significant medical improvement possible.The United States today is the fruit of a paradigm shift The traditional concept of government for centuries had been a monarchy, the divine right of kings Then a different paradigm was developed government of the people, by the people, and for the people And a constitutional democracy was born, unleashing tremendous human energy and ingenuity, and creating a standard of living, of freedom and liberty, of influence and hope unequaled in the history of the world.Not all paradigm shifts are in positive directions As we have observed, the shift from the Character Ethic to the Personality Ethic has drawn us away from the very roots that nourish true success and happiness.But whether they shift us in positive or negative directions, whether they are instantaneous or developmental, paradigm shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another And those shifts create powerful change Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors, and ultimately our relationships with others.I remember a mini paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York People were sitting quietly some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed It was a calm, peaceful scene.Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people s papers It was very disturbing And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.It was difficult not to feel irritated I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people I wonder if you couldn t control them a little The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, Oh, you re right I guess I should do something about it We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago I don t know what to think, and I guess they don t know how to handle it either.Can you imagine what I felt at that moment My paradigm shifted Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently My irritation vanished I didn t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior my heart was filled with the man s pain Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely Your wife just died Oh, I m so sorry Can you tell me about it What can I do to help Everything changed in an instant.Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband or wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader.We could spend weeks, months, even years laboring with the Personality Ethic trying to change our attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of change that occurs spontaneously when we see things differently.It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms.In the words of Thoreau, For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.Seeing and BeingOf course, not all paradigm shifts are instantaneous Unlike my instant insight on the subway, the paradigm shifting experience Sandra and I had with our son was a slow, difficult, and deliberate process The approach we had first taken with him was the outgrowth of years of conditioning and experience in the Personality Ethic It was the result of deeper paradigms we held about our own success as parents as well as the measure of success of our children And it was not until we changed those basic paradigms, until we saw things differently, that we were able to create quantum change in ourselves and in the situation.In order to see our son differently, Sandra and I had to be differently Our new paradigm was created as we invested in the growth and development of our own character.Paradigms are inseparable from character Being is seeing in the human dimension And what we see is highly interrelated to what we are We can t go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our being, and vice versa.Even in my apparently instantaneous paradigm shifting experience that morning on the subway, my change of vision was a result of and limited by my basic character.I m sure there are people who, even suddenly understanding the true situation, would have felt no than a twinge of regret or vague guilt as they continued to sit in embarrassed silence beside the grieving, confused man On the other hand, I am equally certain there are people who would have been far sensitive in the first place, who may have recognized that a deeper problem existed and reached out to understand and help before I did.Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world The power of a paradigm shift is the essential power of quantum change, whether that shift is an instantaneous or a slow and deliberate process.The Principle Centered ParadigmThe Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and unarguably there as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimension.An idea of the reality and the impact of these principles can be captured in another paradigm shifting experience as told by Frank Koch in Proceedings, the magazine of the Naval Institute.Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, Light, bearing on the starboard bow.Is it steady or moving astern the captain called out.Lookout replied, Steady, captain, which meant we were on a dangerous collision course with that ship.The captain then called to the signalman, Signal that ship We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees.Back came a signal, Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees.The captain said, Send, I m a captain, change course 20 degrees.I m a seaman second class, came the reply You had better change course 20 degrees.By that time, the captain was furious He spat out, Send, I m a battleship Change course 20 degrees.Back came the flashing light, I m a lighthouse.We changed course.The paradigm shift experienced by the captain and by us as we read this account puts the situation in a totally different light We can see a reality that is superceded by his limited perception a reality that is as critical for us to understand in our daily lives as it was for the captain in the fog.Principles are like lighthouses They are natural laws that cannot be broken As Cecil B deMille observed of the principles contained in his monumental movie, The Ten Commandments, It is impossible for us to break the law We can only break ourselves against the law.While individuals may look at their own lives and interactions in terms of paradigms or maps emerging out of their experience and conditioning, these maps are not the territory They are a subjective reality, only an attempt to describe the territory.The objective reality, or the territory itself, is composed of lighthouse principles that govern human growth and happiness natural laws that are woven into the fabric of every civilized society throughout history and comprise the roots of every family and institution that has endured and prospered The degree to which our mental maps accurately describe the territory does not alter its existence.The reality of such principles or natural laws becomes obvious to anyone who thinks deeply and examines the cycles of social history These principles surface time and time again, and the degree to which people in a society recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward either survival and stability or disintegration and destruction.The principles I am referring to are not esoteric, mysterious, or religious ideas There is not one principle taught in this book that is unique to any specific faith or religion, including my own These principles are a part of most every major enduring religion, as well as enduring social philosophies and ethical systems They are self evident and can easily be validated by any individual It s almost as if these principles or natural laws are part of the human condition, part of the human consciousness, part of the human conscience They seem to exist in all human beings, regardless of social conditioning and loyalty to them, even though they might be submerged or numbed by such conditions or disloyalty.I am referring, for example, to the principle of fairness, out of which our whole concept of equity and justice is developed Little children seem to have an innate sense of the idea of fairness even apart from opposite conditioning experiences There are vast differences in how fairness is defined and achieved, but there is almost universal awareness of the idea.Other examples would include integrity and honesty They create the foundation of trust which is essential to cooperation and long term personal and interpersonal growth.Another principle is human dignity The basic concept in the United States Declaration of Independence bespeaks this value or principle We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.Another principle is service, or the idea of making a contribution Another is quality or excellence.There is the principle of potential, the idea that we are embryonic and can grow and develop and release and potential, develop and talents Highly related to potential is the principle of growth the process of releasing potential and developing talents, with the accompanying need for principles such as patience, nurturance, and encouragement.Principles are not practices A practice is a specific activity or action A practice that works in one circumstance will not necessarily work in another, as parents who have tried to raise a second child exactly like they did the first can readily attest.While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal application They apply to individuals, to marriages, to families, to private and public organizations of every kind When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide variety of practices to deal with different situations.Principles are not values A gang of thieves can share values, but they are in violation of the fundamental principles we re talking about Principles are the territory Values are maps When we value correct principles, we have truth a knowledge of things as they are.Principles are guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring, permanent value They re fundamental They re essentially unarguable because they are self evident One way to quickly grasp the self evident nature of principles is to simply consider the absurdity of attempting to live an effective life based on their opposites I doubt that anyone would seriously consider unfairness, deceit, baseness, uselessness, mediocrity, or degeneration to be a solid foundation for lasting happiness and success Although people may argue about how these principles are defined or manifested or achieved, there seems to be an innate consciousness and awareness that they exist.The closely our maps or paradigms are aligned with these principles or natural laws, the accurate and functional they will be Correct maps will infinitely impact our personal and interpersonal effectiveness far than any amount of effort expended on changing our attitudes and behaviors.Principles of Growth And ChangeThe glitter of the Personality Ethic, the massive appeal, is that there is some quick and easy way to achieve quality of life personal effectiveness and rich, deep relationships with other people without going through the natural process of work and growth that makes it possible.It s symbol without substance It s the get rich quick scheme promising wealth without work And it might even appear to succeed but the schemer remains.The Personality Ethic is illusory and deceptive And trying to get high quality results with its techniques and quick fixes is just about as effective as trying to get to some place in Chicago using a map of Detroit.In the words of Erich Fromm, an astute observer of the roots and fruits of the Personality Ethic Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain Two statements may be said concerning this individual One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth.In all of life, there are sequential stages of growth and development A child learns to turn over, to sit up, to crawl, and then to walk and run Each step is important and each one takes time No step can be skipped.This is true in all phases of life, in all areas of development, whether it be learning to play the piano or communicate effectively with a working associate It is true with individuals, with marriages, with families, and with organizations.We know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical things, but to understand it in emotional areas, in human relations, and even in the area of personal character is less common and difficult And even if we understand it, to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less common and difficult Consequently, we sometimes look for a shortcut, expecting to be able to skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired result.But what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better impression, what will result Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a professional What if you were to lead your friends to believe you could play the piano at concert hall level while your actual present skill was that of a beginner The answers are obvious It is simply impossible to violate, ignore, or shortcut this development process It is contrary to nature, and attempting to seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment and frustration.On a ten point scale, if I am at level two in any field, and desire to move to level five, I must first take the step toward level three A thousand mile journey begins with the first step and can only be taken one step at a time.If you don t let a teacher know at what level you are by asking a question, or revealing your ignorance you will not learn or grow You cannot pretend for long, for you will eventually be found out Admission of ignorance is often the first step in our education Thoreau taught, How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time I recall one occasion when two young women, daughters of a friend of mine, came to me tearfully, complaining about their father s harshness and lack of understanding They were afraid to open up with their parents for fear of the consequences And yet they desperately needed their parents love, understanding, and guidance.I talked with the father and found that he was intellectually aware of what was happening But while he admitted he had a temper problem, he refused to take responsibility for it and to honestly accept the fact that his emotional development level was low It was than his pride could swallow to take the first step toward change.To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working associates, we must learn to listen And this requires emotional strength Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand highly developed qualities of character It s so much easier to operate from a low emotional level and to give high level advice.Our level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing, where it is impossible to pretend But it is not so obvious in the areas of character and emotional development We can pose and put on for a stranger or an associate We can pretend And for a while we can get by with it at least in public We might even deceive ourselves Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside and I think many of those we live with and work with do as well.I have seen the consequences of attempting to shortcut this natural process of growth often in the business world, where executives attempt to buy a new culture of improved productivity, quality, morale, and customer service with strong speeches, smile training, and external interventions, or through mergers, acquisitions, and friendly or unfriendly takeovers But they ignore the low trust climate produced by such manipulations When these methods don t work, they look for other Personality Ethic techniques that will all the time ignoring and violating the natural principles and processes on which a high trust culture is based.I remember violating this principle myself as a father many years ago One day I returned home to my little girl s third year birthday party to find her in the corner of the front room, defiantly clutching all of her presents, unwilling to let the other children play with them The first thing I noticed was several parents in the room witnessing this selfish display I was embarrassed, and doubly so because at the time I was teaching university classes in human relations And I knew, or at least felt, the expectation of these parents.The atmosphere in the room was really charged the children were crowding around my little daughter with their hands out, asking to play with the presents they had just given, and my daughter was adamantly refusing I said to myself, Certainly I should teach my daughter to share The value of sharing is one of the most basic things we believe in.So I first tried a simple request Honey, would you please share with your friends the toys they ve given you No, she replied flatly.My second method was to use a little reasoning Honey, if you learn to share your toys with them when they are at your home, then when you go to their homes they will share their toys with you.Again, the immediate reply was No I was becoming a little embarrassed, for it was evident I was having no influence The third method was bribery Very softly I said, Honey, if you share, I ve got a special surprise for you I ll give you a piece of gum.I don t want gum she exploded.Now I was becoming exasperated For my fourth attempt, I resorted to fear and threat Unless you share, you will be in real trouble I don t care she cried These are my things I don t have to share Finally, I resorted to force I merely took some of the toys and gave them to the other kids Here, kids, play with these.Perhaps my daughter needed the experience of possessing the things before she could give them In fact, unless I possess something, can I ever really give it She needed me as her father to have a higher level of emotional maturity to give her that experience.But at that moment, I valued the opinion those parents had of me than the growth and development of my child and our relationship together I simply made an initial judgment that I was right she should share, and she was wrong in not doing so.Perhaps I superimposed a higher level expectation on her simply because on my own scale I was at a lower level I was unable or unwilling to give patience or understanding, so I expected her to give things In an attempt to compensate for my deficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to do.But borrowing strength builds weakness It builds weakness in the borrower because it reinforces dependence on external factors to get things done It builds weakness in the person forced to acquiesce, stunting the development of independent reasoning, growth, and internal discipline And finally, it builds weakness in the relationship Fear replaces cooperation, and both people involved become arbitrary and defensive.And what happens when the source of borrowed strength be it superior size or physical strength, position, authority, credentials, status symbols, appearance, or past achievements changes or is no longer there Had I been mature, I could have relied on my own intrinsic strength my understanding of sharing and of growth and my capacity to love and nurture and allowed my daughter to make a free choice as to whether she wanted to share or not to share Perhaps after attempting to reason with her, I could have turned the attention of the children to an interesting game, taking all that emotional pressure off my child I ve learned that once children gain a sense of real possession, they share very naturally, freely, and spontaneously.My experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach When relationships are strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection But to take the child alone, quietly, when the relationship is good and to discuss the teaching or the value seems to have much greater impact It may have been that the emotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and internal control at the time.Perhaps a sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuine sharing Many people who give mechanically or refuse to give and share in their marriages and families may never have experienced what it means to possess themselves, their own sense of identity and self worth Really helping our children grow may involve being patient enough to allow them the sense of possession as well as being wise enough to teach them the value of giving and providing the example ourselves.The Way We See the Problem Is the ProblemPeople are intrigued when they see good things happening in the lives of individuals, families, and organizations that are based on solid principles They admire such personal strength and maturity, such family unity and teamwork, such adaptive synergistic organizational culture.And their immediate request is very revealing of their basic paradigm How do you do it Teach me the techniques What they re really saying is, Give me some quick fix advice or solution that will relieve the pain in my own situation.They will find people who will meet their wants and teach these things and for a short time, skills and techniques may appear to work They may eliminate some of the cosmetic or acute problems through social aspirin and band aids.But the underlying chronic condition remains, and eventually new acute symptoms will appear The people are into quick fix and focus on the acute problems and pain, the that very approach contributes to the underlying chronic condition.The way we see the problem is the problem.Look again at some of the concerns that introduced this chapter, and at the impact of Personality Ethic thinking.I ve taken course after course on effective management training I expect a lot out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right But I don t feel any loyalty from them I think if I were home sick for a day, they d spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain Why can t I train them to be independent and responsible or find employees who can be The Personality Ethic tells me I could take some kind of dramatic action shake things up, make heads roll that would make my employees shape up and appreciate what they have Or that I could find some motivational training program that would get them committed Or even that I could hire new people that would do a better job.But is it possible that under that apparently disloyal behavior, these employees question whether I really act in their best interest Do they feel like I m treating them as mechanical objects Is there some truth to that Deep inside, is that really the way I see them Is there a chance the way I look at the people who work for me is part of the problem There s so much to do And there s never enough time I feel pressured and hassled all day, every day, seven days a week I ve attended time management seminars and I ve tried half a dozen different planning systems They ve helped some, but I still don t feel I m living the happy, productive, peaceful life I want to live.The Personality Ethic tells me there must be something out there some new planner or seminar that will help me handle all these pressures in a efficient way.But is there a chance that efficiency is not the answer Is getting things done in less time going to make a difference or will it just increase the pace at which I react to the people and circumstances that seem to control my life Could there be something I need to see in a deeper, fundamental way some paradigm within myself that affects the way I see my time, my life, and my own nature My marriage has gone fiat We don t fight or anything we just don t love each other any We ve gone to counseling we ve tried a number of things, but we just can t seem to rekindle the feeling we used to have.The Personality Ethic tells me there must be some new book or some seminar where people get all their feelings out that would help my wife understand me better Or maybe that it s useless, and only a new relationship will provide the love I need.But is it possible that my spouse isn t the real problem Could I be empowering my spouse s weaknesses and making my life a function of the way I m treated Do I have some basic paradigm about my spouse, about marriage, about what love really is, that is feeding the problem Can you see how fundamentally the paradigms of the Personality Ethic affect the very way we see our problems as well as the way we attempt to solve them Whether people see it or not, many are becoming disillusioned with the empty promises of the Personality Ethic As I travel around the country and work with organizations, I find that long term thinking executives are simply turned off by psych up psychology and motivational speakers who have nothing to share than entertaining stories mingled with platitudes.They want substance they want process They want than aspirin and band aids They want to solve the chronic underlying problems and focus on the principles that bring long term results.A New Level of ThinkingAlbert Einstein observed, The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.As we look around us and within us and recognize the problems created as we live and interact within the Personality Ethic, we begin to realize that these are deep, fundamental problems that cannot be solved on the superficial level on which they were created.We need a new level, a deeper level of thinking a paradigm based on the principles that accurately describe the territory of effective human being and interacting to solve these deep concerns.This new level of thinking is what Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is about It s a principle centered, character based, inside out approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness.Inside out means to start first with self even fundamentally, to start with the most inside part of self with your paradigms, your character, and your motives.It says if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it If you want to have a pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent If you want to have freedom, latitude in your job, be a responsible, a helpful, a contributing employee If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary greatness of character.The inside out approach says that private victories precede public victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others It says it is futile to put personality ahead of character, to try to improve relationships with others before improving ourselves.Inside out is a process a continuing process of renewal based on the natural laws that govern human growth and progress It s an upward spiral of growth that leads to progressively higher forms of responsible independence and effective interdependence.I have had the opportunity to work with many people wonderful people, talented people, people who deeply want to achieve happiness and success, people who are searching, people who are hurting I ve worked with business executives, college students, church and civic groups, families and marriage partners And in all of my experience, I have never seen lasting solutions to problems, lasting happiness and success, that came from the outside in.What I have seen result from the outside in paradigm is unhappy people who feel victimized and immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of other people and the circumstances they feel are responsible for their own stagnant situation I ve seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants the other to change, where each is confessing the other s sins, where each is trying to shape up the other I ve seen labor management disputes where people spend tremendous amounts of time and energy trying to create legislation that would force people to act as though the foundation of trust were really there.Members of our family have lived in three of the hottest spots on earth South Africa, Israel, and Ireland and I believe the source of the continuing problems in each of these places has been the dominant social paradigm of outside in Each involved group is convinced the problem is out there and if they meaning others would shape up or suddenly ship out of existence, the problem would be solved.Inside out is a dramatic paradigm shift for most people, largely because of the powerful impact of conditioning and the current social paradigm of the Personality Ethic.But from my own experience both personal and in working with thousands of other people and from careful examination of successful individuals and societies throughout history, I am persuaded that many of the principles embodied in the Seven Habits are already deep within us, in our conscience and our common sense To recognize and develop them and to use them in meeting our deepest concerns, we need to think differently, to shift our paradigms to a new, deeper, inside out level.As we sincerely seek to understand and integrate these principles into our lives, I am convinced we will discover and rediscover the truth of T S Eliot s observation We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.The Seven habits An overviewWe are what we repeatedly do.Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.AristotleOur character, basically, is a composite of our habits Sow a thought, reap an action sow an action, reap a habit sow a habit, reap a character sow a character, reap a destiny, the maxim goes.Habits are powerful factors in our lives Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectivenessor ineffectiveness.As Horace Mann, the great educator, once said, Habits are like a cable We weave a strand of it everyday and soon it cannot be broken I personally do not agree with the last part of his expression I know they can be broken Habits can be learned and unlearned But I also know it isn t a quick fix It involves a process and a tremendous commitment.Those of us who watched the lunar voyage of Apollo 11 were transfixed as we saw the first men walk on the moon and return to earth Superlatives such as fantastic and incredible were inadequate to describe those eventful days But to get there, those astronauts literally has to break out of the tremendous gravity pull of the earth More energy was spent in the first few minutes of lift off, in the first few miles of travel, than was used over the next several days to travel half a million miles.Habits, too, have tremendous gravity pull than most people realize or would admit Breaking deeply imbedded habitual tendencies such as procrastination, impatience, criticalness, or selfishness that violate basic principles of human effectiveness involves than a little willpower and a few minor changes in our lives Lift Off takes a tremendous effort, but once we break out of the gravity pull, our freedom takes on a whole new dimension.Like any natural force, gravity pull can work with us or against us The gravity pull of some of our habits may currently be keeping us from going where we want to go But it is also gravity pull that keeps our world together, that keeps the planets in their orbits and our universe in order It is a powerful force, and if we use it effectively, we can use the gravity pull of habit to create the cohesiveness and order necessary to establish effectiveness in our lives.Habits DefinedFor our purpose, we will define a habit as the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire.Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm, the what to do and the why Skill is the how to do And desire is the motivation, the want to do In order to make something a habit in our lives, we have to have all three.I may be ineffective in my interactions with my work associates, my spouse, or my children because I constantly tell them what I think, but I never really listen to them Unless I search out correct principles of human interaction, I may not even know I need to listen.Even if I do know that in order to interact effectively with others I really need to listen to them, I may not have the skill I may not know how to really listen deeply to another human being.But knowing I need to listen and knowing how to listen is not enough Unless I want to listen, unless I have the desire, it won t be a habit in my life Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions.The being seeing change is an upward process being changing seeing, which in turn changes being, and so forth, as we move in an upward spiral of growth By working on knowledge, skill, and desire, we can break through to new levels of personal and interpersonal effectiveness as we break with old paradigms that may have been a source of pseudo security for years.It s sometimes a painful process It s a change that has to be motivated by a higher purpose, by the willingness to subordinate what you think you want now for what you want later But this process produces happiness, the object and design of our existence Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually.The Maturity ContinuumThe Seven Habits are not a set of separate or piecemeal psych up formulas In harmony with the natural laws of growth, they provide an incremental, sequential, highly integrated approach to the development of personal and interpersonal effectiveness They move us progressively on a Maturity Continuum from dependence to independence to interdependence.We each begin life as an infant, totally dependent on others We are directed, nurtured, and sustained by others Without this nurturing, we would only live for a few hours or a few days at the most.Then gradually, over the ensuing months and years, we become and independent physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially until eventually we can essentially taken care of ourselves, becoming inner directed and self reliant.As we continue to grow and mature, we become increasingly aware that all of nature is interdependent, that there is an ecological system that governs nature, including society We further discover that the higher reaches of our nature have to do with our relationships with others that human life also is interdependent.Our growth from infancy to adulthood is in accordance with natural law And there are many dimensions to growth Reaching our full physical maturity, for example, does not necessarily assure us of simultaneous emotional or mental maturity On the other hand, a person s physical dependence does not mean that he or she is mentally or emotionally immature.On the maturity continuum, dependence is the paradigm of you you take care of me you come through for me you didn t come through I blame you for the results.Independence is the paradigm of I I can do it I am responsible I am self reliant I can choose.Interdependence is the paradigm of we we can do it we can cooperate we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.Dependent people need others to get what they want Independent people can get what they want through their own effort Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.If I were physically dependent paralyzed or disabled or limited in some physical way I would need you to help me If I were emotionally dependent, may sense of worth and security would come from your opinion of me If you didn t like me, it could be devastating If I were intellectually dependent, I would count on you to do my thinking for me, to think through the issues and problems of my life.If I were independent, physically, I could pretty well make it on my own Mentally, I could think my own thoughts, I could move from one level of abstraction to another I could think creatively and analytically and organize and express my thoughts in understandable ways Emotionally, I would be validated from within I would be inner directed My sense of worth would not be a function of being liked or treated well.It s easy to see that independence is much mature than dependence Independence is a major achievement in and of itself But independence is not supreme.Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence It is the avowed goal of many individuals and social movements Most of the self improvement material puts independence on a pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values.But much of our current emphasis on independence is a reaction to dependence to having others control us, define us, use us, and manipulate us.The little understood concept of interdependence appears to many to smack of dependence, and therefore, we find people, often for selfish reasons, leaving their marriages, abandoning their children, and forsaking all kinds of social responsibility all in the name of independence.The kind of reaction that results in people throwing off their shackles, becoming liberated, asserting themselves, and doing their own thing often reveals fundamental dependencies that cannot be run away from because they are internal rather than external dependencies such as letting the weaknesses of the other people ruin our emotional lives or feeling victimized by people and events out of our control.Of course, we may need to change our circumstances But the dependence problem is a personal maturity issue that has little to do with circumstances Even with better circumstances, immaturity and dependence often persist.True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living.Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won t be good leaders or team players They re not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.Life is, by nature, highly interdependent To try to achieve maximum effectiveness through independence is like trying to play tennis with a golf club the tool is not suited to the reality.Interdependence is a far mature, advanced concept If I am physically interdependent, I am self reliant and capable, but I also realize that you and I working together can accomplish far than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a great sense of worth within myself, but I also recognize the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love from others If I am intellectually interdependent, I realize that I need the best thinking of other people to join with my own.As an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings.Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent They don t have the character to do it they don t own enough of themselves.That s why Habits, 1, 2, and 3 in the following chapters deal with self mastery They move a person from dependence to independence They are the Private Victories, the essence of character growth Private victories precede public victories You can t invert that process any than you can harvest a crop before you plant it It s inside out.As you become truly independent, you have the foundation for effective interdependence You have the character base from which you can effectively work on the personality oriented Public Victories of teamwork, cooperation, and communication in Habits 4, 5, and 6.That does not mean you have to be perfect in Habits, 1, 2, and 3 before working on Habits 4, 5, and 6 Understanding the sequence will help you manage your growth effectively, but I m not suggesting that you put yourself in isolation for several years until you fully develop Habits, 1, 2, and 3.As part of an interdependent world, you have to relate to that world every day But the acute problems of that world can easily obscure the chronic character causes Understanding how what you are impacts every interdependent interaction will help you to focus your efforts sequentially, in harmony with the natural laws of growth.Habit 7 is the habit of renewal a regular, balanced renewal of the four basic dimensions of life It circles and embodies all the other habits It is the habit of continuous improvement that creates the upward spiral of growth that lifts you to new levels of understanding and living each of the habits as you come around to them on a progressively higher plane.Effectiveness DefinedThe Seven Habits are habits of effectiveness Because they are based on principles, they bring the maximum long term beneficial results possible They become the basis of a person s character, creating an empowering center of correct maps from which an individual can effectively solve problems, maximize opportunities, and continually learn and integrate other principles in an upward spiral of growth.They are also habits of effectiveness because they are based on a paradigm of effectiveness that is in harmony with a natural law, a principle I call the P PC Balance, which many people break themselves against This principle can be easily understood by remembering Aesop s fable of the goose and the golden egg.This fable is the story of a poor farmer who one day discovers in the nest of his pet goose a glittering golden egg At first, he thinks it must be some kind of trick But as he starts to throw the egg aside, he has second thoughts and takes it in to be appraised instead.The egg is pure gold The farmer can t believe his good fortune He becomes even incredulous the following day when the experience is repeated Day after day, he awakens to rush to the nest and find another golden egg He becomes fabulously wealthy it all seems too good to be true.But with his increasing wealth comes greed and impatience Unable to wait day after day for the golden eggs, the farmer decides he will kill the goose and get them all at once But when he opens the goose, he finds it empty There are no golden eggs and now there is no way to get any The farmer has destroyed the goose that produced them.I suggest that within this fable is a natural law, a principle the basic definition of effectiveness Most people see effectiveness from the golden egg paradigm the you produce, the you do, the effective you are.But as the story shows, true effectiveness is a function of two things what is produced the golden eggs and the producing asset or capacity to produce the goose.If you adopt a pattern of life that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the goose, you will soon be without the asset that produces golden eggs On the other hand, if you only take care of the goose with no aim toward the golden eggs, you soon won t have the wherewithal to feed yourself or the goose.Effectiveness lies in the balance what I call the P PC Balance P stands for production of desired results, the golden eggs PC stands for production capability, the ability or asset that produces the golden eggs.Three Kinds of AssetsBasically, there are three kinds of assets physical, financial, and human Let s look at each one in turn.A few years ago, I purchased a physical asset a power lawn mower I used it over and over again without doing anything to maintain it The mower worked well for two seasons, but then it began to break down When I tried to revive it with service and sharpening, I discovered the engine had lost over half its original power capacity It was essentially worthless.Had I invested in PC in preserving and maintaining the asset I would still be enjoying its P the mowed lawn As it was, I had to spend far time and money replacing the mower than I ever would have spent, had I maintained it It simply wasn t effective.In our quest for short term returns, or results, we often ruin a prized physical asset a car, a computer, a washer or dryer, even our body or our environment Keeping P and PC in balance makes a tremendous difference in the effective use of physical assets.It also powerfully impacts the effective use of financial assets How often do people confuse principal with interest Have you evere invaded principal to increase your standard of living, to get golden eggs The decreasing principal has decreasing power to produce interest or income And the dwindling capital becomes smaller and smaller until it no longer supplies even basic needs.Our most important financial asset is our own capacity to earn If we don t continually invest in improving our own PC, we severely limit our options We re locked into our present situation, running scared of our corporation or our boss s opinion of us, economically dependent and defensive Again, it simply isn t effective.In the human area, the P PC Balance is equally fundamental, but even important, because people control physical and financial assets.When two people in a marriage are concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than they are in preserving the relationship that makes them possible, they often become insensitive and inconsiderate, neglecting the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship They begin to use control levers to manipulate each other, to focus on their own needs, to justify their own position and look for evidence to show the wrongness of the other person The love, the richness, the softness and spontaneity begin to deteriorate The goose gets sicker day by day.And what about a parent s relationship with a child When children are little, they are very dependent, very vulnerable It becomes so easy to neglect the PC work the training, the communicating, the relating the listening It s easy to take advantage, to manipulate, to get what you want the way you want it right now You re bigger, you re smarter, and you re right So why not just tell them what to do If necessary, yell at them, intimidate them, insist on your way.rdOr you can indulge them You can go for the golden egg of popularity, of pleasing them giving them their way all the time Then they grow up without any internal sense of standards or expectations, without a personal commitment to being disciplined or responsible.Either way authoritarian or permissive you have the golden egg mentality You want to have your way or you want to be liked But what happens, meantime, to the goose What sense of responsibility, self discipline, of confidence in the ability to make good choices or achieve important goals is a child going to have a few years down the road And what about your relationship When he reaches those critical teenage years, the identity crises, will he know from his experience with you that you will listen without judging, that you really, deeply care about him as a person, that you can be trusted, no matter what Will the relationship be strong enough for you to reach him, to communicate with him, to influence him Suppose you want your daughter to have a clean room that s P, production, the golden egg And suppose you want her to clean it that s PC, production capability Your daughter is the goose, the asset, that produces the golden egg.If you have P and PC in balance, she cleans the room cheerfully, without being reminded, because she is committed and has the discipline to stay with the commitment She is a valuable asset, a goose that can produce golden eggs.But if your paradigm is focused on production, on getting the room clean, you might find yourself nagging her to do it You might even escalate your efforts to threatening or yelling, and in your desire to get the golden egg, you undermine the health and welfare of the goose.Let me share with you an interesting PC experience I had with one of my daughters We were planning a private date, which is something I enjoy regularly with each of my children We find that the anticipation of the date is as satisfying as the realization.So I approached my daughter and said, Honey, tonight s your night What do you want to do Oh, Dad, that s okay, she replied.No, really, I said What would you like to do Well, she finally said, what I want to do, you don t really want to do.Really, honey, I said earnestly, I want to do it No matter what, it s your choice.I want to go see Star Wars, she replied But I know you don t like Star Wars You slept through it before You don t like these fantasy movies That s okay, Dad.No, honey, if that s what you d like to do, I d like to do it.Dad, don t worry about it We don t always have to have this date She paused and then added, But you know why you don t like Star Wars It s because you don t understand the philosophy and training of a Jedi Knight.What You know the things you teach, Dad Those are the same things that go into the training of a Jedi Knight.Really Let s go Star Wars And we did She sat next to me and gave me the paradigm I became her student, her learner It was totally fascinating I could begin to see out of a new paradigm the whole way a Jedi Knight s basic philosophy in training is manifested in different circumstances.That experience was not a planned P experience it was the serendipitous fruit of a PC investment It was bonding and very satisfying But we enjoyed golden eggs, too, as the goose the quality of the relationship was significantly fed.Organizational PCOne of the immensely valuable aspects of any correct principle is that it is valid and applicable in a wide variety of circumstances Throughout this book, I would like to share with you some of the ways in which these principles apply to organizations, including families, as well as to individuals.When people fail to respect the P PC Balance in their use of physical assets in organizations, they decrease organizational effectiveness and often leave others with dying geese.For example, a person in charge of a physical asset, such as a machine, may be eager to make a good impression on his superiors Perhaps the company is in a rapid growth stage and promotions are coming fast So he produces at optimum levels no downtime, no maintenance He runs the machine day and night The production is phenomenal, costs are down, and profits skyrocket Within a short time, he s promoted Golden eggs But suppose you are his successor on the job You inherit a very sick goose, a machine that, by this time, is rusted and starts to break down You have to invest heavily in downtime and maintenance Costs skyrocket profits nose dive And who gets blamed for the loss of golden eggs You do Your predecessor liquidated the asset, but the accounting system only reported unit production, costs, and profit.The P PC Balance is particularly important as it applies to the human assets of an organization the customers and the employees.I know of a restaurant that served a fantastic clam chowder and was packed with customers every day at lunchtime Then the business was sold, and the new owner focused on golden eggs he decided to water down the chowder For about a month, with costs down and revenues constant, profits zoomed But little by little, the customers began to disappear Trust was gone, and business dwindled to almost nothing The new owner tried desperately to reclaim it, but he had neglected the customers, violated their trust, and lost the asset of customer loyalty There was no goose to produce the golden egg.There are organizations that talk a lot about the customer and then completely neglect the people that deal with the customer the employees The PC principle is to always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.You can buy a person s hand, but you can t buy his heart His heart is where his enthusiasm, his loyalty is You can buy his back, but you can t buy his brain That s where his creativity is, his ingenuity, his resourcefulness.PC work is treating employees as volunteers just as you treat customers as volunteers, because that s what they are They volunteer the best part their hearts and minds.I was in a group once where someone asked, How do you shape up lazy and incompetent employees One man responded, Drop hand grenades Several others cheered that kind of macho management talk, that shape up or ship out supervision approach.But another person in the group asked, Who picks up the pieces No pieces.Well, why don t you do that to your customers the other man replied Just say, Listen, if you re not interested in buying, you can just ship out of this place He said, You can t do that to customers.Well, how come you can do it to employees Because they re in your employ.I see Are your employees devoted to you Do they work hard How s the turnover Are you kidding You can t find good people these days There s too much turnover, absenteeism, moonlighting People just don t care any.That focus on golden eggs that attitude, that paradigm is totally inadequate to tap into the powerful energies of the mind and heart of another person A short term bottom line is important, but it isn t all important.Effectiveness lies in the balance Excessive focus on P results in ruined health, worn out machines, depleted bank accounts, and broken relationships Too much focus on PC is like a person who runs three or four hours a day, bragging about the extra ten years of life it creates, unaware he s spending them running Or a person endlessly going to school, never producing, living on other people s golden eggs the eternal student syndrome.To maintain the P PC Balance, the balance between the golden egg production and the health and welfare of the goose production capability is often a difficult judgment call But I suggest it is the very essence of effectiveness It balances short term with long term It balances going for the grade and paying the price to get an education It balances the desire to have a room clean and the building of a relationship in which the child is internally committed to do it cheerfully, willingly, without external supervision.It s a principle you can see validated in your own life when you burn the candle at both ends to get golden eggs and wind up sick or exhausted, unable to produce any at all or when you get a good night s sleep and wake up ready to produce throughout the day.You can see it when you press to get your own way with someone and somehow feel an emptiness in the relationship or when you really take time to invest in a relationship and you find the desire and ability to work together, to communicate, takes a quantum leap.The P PC Balance is the very essence of effectiveness It s validated in every arena of life We can work with it or against it, but it s there It s a lighthouse It s the definition and paradigm of effectiveness upon which the Seven Habits in this boom are based.How to Use This BookBefore we begin work on the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I would like to suggest two paradigm shifts that will greatly increase the value you will receive from this material.First, I would recommend that you not see this material as a book, in the sense that it is something to read once and put on a shelf.You may choose to read it completely through once for a sense of the whole But the material is designed to be a companion in the continual process of change and growth It is organized incrementally and with suggestions for application at the end of each habit so that you can study and focus on any particular habit as you are ready.As you progress to deeper levels of understanding and implementation, you can go back time and again to the principles contained in each habit and work to expand your knowledge, skill, and desire.Second, I would suggest that you shift your paradigm of your own involvement in this material from the role of learner to that of teacher Take an inside out approach, and read with the purpose in mind of sharing or discussing what you learn with someone else within 48 hours after you learn it.rdIf you has known, for example, that you would be teaching the material on the P PC Balance principle to someone else within 48 hours, would it have made a difference in your reading experience Try it now as you read the final section in this chapter Read as though you are going to teach it to your spouse, your child, a business associate, or a friend today or tomorrow, while it is still fresh, and notice the difference in your mental and emotional process.I guarantee that if you approach the material in each of the following chapters in this way, you will not only better remember what you read, but your perspective will be expanded, your understanding deepened, and your motivation to apply the material increased.In addition, as you openly, honestly share what you re learning with others, you may be surprised to find that negative labels or perceptions others may have of you tend to disappear Those you teach will see you as a changing, growing person, and will be inclined to be helpful and supportive as you work, perhaps together, to integrate the Seven Habits into your lives.What You Can ExpectIn the last analysis, as Marilyn Ferguson observed, No one can persuade another to change Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.If you decide to open your gate of change to really understand and live the principles embodied in the Seven Habits, I feel comfortable in assuring you several positive things will happen.First, you growth will be evolutionary, but the net effect will be revolutionary Would you not agree that the P PC Balance principle alone, if fully lived, would transform most individuals and organizations The net effect of opening the gate of change to the first three habits the habits of Private Victory will be significantly increased self confidence You will come to know yourself in a deeper, meaningful way your nature, your deepest values and your unique contribution capacity As you live your values, your sense of identity, integrity, control, and inner directedness will infuse you with both exhilaration and peace You will define yourself from within, rather than by people s opinions or by comparisons to others Wrong and right will have little to do with being found out.Ironically, you ll find that as you care less about what others think of you, you will care about what others think of themselves and their worlds, including their relationship with you You ll no longer build your emotional life on other people s weaknesses In addition, you ll find it easier and desirable to change because there is something some core deep within that is essentially changeless.As you open yourself to the next three habits the habits of Public Victory you will discover and unleash both the desire and the resources to heal and rebuild important relationships that have deteriorated, or even broken Good relationships will improve become deeper, solid, creative, and adventuresome.The seventh habit, it deeply internalized, will renew the first six and will make you truly independent and capable of effective interdependence Through it, you can charge your own batteries.Whatever your present situation, I assure you that you are not your habits You can replace old patterns of self defeating behavior with new patterns, new habits of effectiveness, happiness, and trust based relationships.With genuine caring, I encourage you to open the gate of change and growth as you study these habits Be patient with yourself Self growth is tender it s holy ground There s no greater investment.It s obviously not a quick fix But I assure you, you will feel benefits and see immediate payoffs that will be encouraging In the words of Thomas Paine, That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly It is dearness only which gives everything its value Heaven knows how to put a proper price on its goods.Copyright copy 1989 by Stephen R Covey The Habits of Happy Kids The Leader In Me are leadership qualities all students can learn Developing these skills will prepare for the future Highly Effective People Wikipedia People, first published in , is a business and self help book written by Stephen Covey presents an approach to being effective Powerful Powerful Lessons Personal Change was groundbreaker when it continues be bestseller with than million copies sold Jannah Bolin Sings YouTube Aug Jannah Bolin, student at Drakes Creek Middle School, wrote song about value Signature powerful forces our lives They determine level effectiveness or ineffectiveness purpose you lead your life truly way This twenty fifth anniversary edition s cherished classic commemorates timeless wisdom One most inspiring impactful books ever written, has captivated readers years Stephen Habit Explore Think Win Seek First Understood Understand people THE HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Of Page Main Theme provide incremental, sequential, integrated Franklin Training habits course offered through AMA, Franklin identifies highly use boost personal See how this seminar make Check out comprehensive, easy read summary best selling book, attaining developmentStephen established R Associates which became Leadership Center which, FranklinCovey seller simple reason that ignores trends pop psychology focuses on principles fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity Author About Richards author Seven Other he wro Covey, Herald Good Habits, Dies Jul Mr had enduring synthesis literature Quotes BrainyQuote Enjoy BrainyQuote Quotations American Businessman, Born October Share friends StephenRCovey Twitter latest Tweets from international M bio Speed Trust cofounder CoveyLink FranklinCovey Global Trust Practice A sought after compelling keynote speaker adviser trust, leadership, ethics, sales, high performance, speaks Author, At Forbes bright light gone today Professor dies age Photo credit Wikipedia Dr passed away Eastern Idaho Regional Medical am suffering residual effects bicycling accident steep foothill roads Provo, Utah April SEVEN remarkable serves up seven th th Anniversary Edition Jim Collins FREE shipping qualifying offers expanded audio perennially bestselling i includes new foreword holistic, Interesting Finds Updated Daily Try Prime who won global following five year run lists fusing genres his FranklinCovey Home With unrestricted access content, including training courses, tools, resources available live, live online, Co Books List Looking authored Things To Live, Love, Learn, Leave Legacy, ThriftBooks That Can Your Life Below quotes have power completely change direction one key not prioritize what schedule, but schedule priorities main thing keep Live imagination, Covey Time Management time management grid method organizing Quadrant I of But until person say deeply honestly, because choices made yesterday, cannot say, choose otherwise Most do listen intent understand they reply Treat man as remain PEOPLE BY STEPHEN COVEY Mar THE ANIMATED BOOK REVIEW FightMediocrity The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change


    • 3.1
    • 252
    • Format Kindle
    • Stephen R Covey
    • Anglais
    • 01 January 2016
    • 393 pages